Pause & Possibility: The Art of Listening with Shalisha Loyd
If this is your first time to coming back to love the podcast, welcome. We're so glad you found us. If you're a regular listener, welcome back. Either way, you're not here by accident. I'm your host, Karen Walker Cone, a wife, a mom, entrepreneur, friend, and dreamer who is ready to step into more of who I am created to be.
Karen Walker Cohn:I am committed to personal transformation for global impact. Now, this podcast may be very different from others. Our guests don't come with a topic or agenda. They come open and ready to receive and deliver the message that's meant for you. You will also notice our podcast is not overly produced.
Karen Walker Cohn:This is on purpose. Our hope is we will inspire you to step in to who you're created to be regardless of how it may look. Take inspired action on that book, business, relationship, and yes podcast or whatever it is on your heart. In my experience, my mess usually ends up being my message. I encourage you to approach our time today with a beginner's mindset and with openness to receive what is meant for you.
Karen Walker Cohn:On today's podcast, I'm introducing you to the beautiful Shalisha Loyd. We met each other through Klemmer and Associates, a leadership and character development training and coaching organization specializing in transformational experiential learning. If you would like more information on Klemmer, please visit my website at karenwalkercohn.com or reach out to me personally. I am completely open to sharing my experience with you. Shalisha started her career in family childcare with a passion for loving and serving others.
Karen Walker Cohn:She created a strong nurturing environment with a curriculum for the whole child. Within her field, Shalisha discovered the increasing need for mentorship, support, and direction in the lives of mothers, grandmothers, staff members, and fellow day care providers As she continued to provide foundational support for children, she found a growing desire to help women seek what it looks like to love and care for themselves well beyond the role of a parent or caretaker. With intentionality in her own personal growth, Shalisha learned that in order to take care of the people that she loves most in the world, she must first take care of herself. This discovery began with journaling, a reconnection to creativity, music, and self reflection. What started out as a personal journey to the soul became a journey that she now shares with others.
Karen Walker Cohn:With growing positive change all around her, her journal course now exists as a way to bring life giving inspiration to those who seek it. Shaleisha is a wife and a mom to 3 boys, as well as an artist, writer, and personal growth and development coach. She offers 1 to 1 coaching as well as group coaching, guiding many to discover what brings them joy, peace, and growth in their own lives. There are so many wisdom nuggets in our conversation. I'm curious how you will implement what you learned today in your daily practice.
Karen Walker Cohn:Share with us by commenting on the podcast or send me a message directly through my website. And now here's Shalisha Loyd. Shalisha, when you hear the title of this podcast, coming back to love, what stories or experience from your life comes to mind?
Shalisha Loyd:I love, I love this question. The first thing that comes to my mind is kind of the journey that I've been on in the last couple years. So, in the beginning of 2021, I was running a family childcare. So I've been running a family childcare with anywhere from 12 to 6, 6 to 12 kids. I've been large and I've been small.
Shalisha Loyd:I've had the opportunity of having incredible humans in my life, other providers who staff that get to be with me in this environment and then the engagement of the families too. And, I became so that became so much a part of my identity that there was a piece of me that, that, I mean, there's so many pieces of my life that I think that were becoming part of my identity, like who I am as a mom, who I was as a wife and a business woman and childcare provider that I put so much energy on those things that I didn't stop long enough to like pause and like really ask myself who was I outside of those things? So I think about that question. I think about in 2021, when I got to this point where I was like, okay, I love all of these things in my life, but somehow I feeling lost. Like, I don't really know who I am in those moments when you pause and like everything is still like that was uncomfortable for me.
Shalisha Loyd:And, there was like tension between my husband and I, and it was a moment of like, you know what? I, I want something to look different now. And I was feeling this guilt for like, I have all these beautiful things in my life, but, but why am I feeling this way? So there was a lot of blame and shame and guilt, like being put that I was choosing to put on myself because how I was feeling. And there was all these comparisons going on.
Shalisha Loyd:I'm like, I shouldn't feel this way because I have all these great things in my life. I, I see hardship happening in other people's lives. So this comparison of, like, I shouldn't I shouldn't feel this way because my life doesn't look like that. But it was this realization that I hadn't given myself an opportunity to get back in touch with myself. And so it was that moment early in 2021.
Shalisha Loyd:And I was having a conversation with my husband. I'm like, I don't, I feel broken. Like literally, I don't know what, what else like to do with this moment when I think that I have all the things that I need and I feel broken. And so, he, he's strongly, so he was actually getting coaching, from a personal growth coach, in our lives, incredible human. And he was like, just try this, like, trust me go and like experience this.
Shalisha Loyd:I was thinking, well, and not that one is better than the other, but I'm thinking, I don't think a coach can help me. I think I need some counseling, which is and so we're really debating which one we should be which one I should do first, but I just I chose to trust him, and I started coaching, getting into coaching. And what that experience allowed for me was like, this was an hour time where it was solely, I got to have an hour to myself where someone else was also invested in me and asking me questions. And it was it was just about me. And at first it felt foreign.
Shalisha Loyd:So it's Yeah. Like this, this doesn't feel right. You know? And then it was this encouragement of going into like, I'm an artist. And so being an artist, I, I had put that on the shelf for a long time.
Shalisha Loyd:I was I'm creative. I did all these things creative, but wasn't choosing into like the creative element that I had been really yearning for for so long that I hadn't, I used to do like worship painting and just my own personal paintings. And anyways, so I got back to this place where I started journaling and, and creating art, like in a journal. And I remember this moment like very vividly, choosing to take an hour outside of the coaching, but like by myself. And it was such a struggle because I'm like, I have no kids right now.
Shalisha Loyd:I could go grocery shopping. I could do all of these things. But I chose to just be still. And it was that moment where I was like, this is what coming back to love looks like. This is what choosing to be in this moment by myself.
Shalisha Loyd:This is where I created space to connect with the Lord again. And I realized he's been with me this whole time, but I've been so busy, so distracted. So focused on all of these things that were my identity, that I didn't allow that space for him to just fill me up to he was speaking. I just didn't hear him because I wasn't listening. So is that, that moment that was so significant.
Shalisha Loyd:I, I was outside on my, that we had a 2 pick table in our front yard and I just like laid on the picnic table and like just started to cry because it felt so foreign, but it also felt so loving at the same time. So that is like the end, when I think of this question, it's like, it was that moment that I chose to just be still and let whatever happened, happen and be okay with it. And like, let go of that blame and that shame and that guilt. And so since then it's been this journey and it's, I'm noticing that it's, I had that moment that I chose into, and it doesn't mean that, okay, now I've all of a sudden arrived. It's like, this is now an experience that I get to learn from.
Shalisha Loyd:I have now a greater awareness of what it looks like to, to just be still and to fill myself up so that I can receive that love. So yeah, it's, it's now become a practice all and I'm noticing often that I choose into that distraction again. And, Yeah. So it was just a beautiful experience of going. It's actually so simple.
Shalisha Loyd:I like it's, it's connecting with myself, which connects me with the Lord. Yeah. And one, I don't know if you know, John Eldridge is like an incredible author. Yes. He wrote a book, a book, Get Your Life Back.
Shalisha Loyd:And that was a book that I started reading in that year. And he talks all about housing, soaking up nature, like soaking up the beauty all around you, clearing distraction and this beautiful experience of a unison with God. And I love that so much. And the, I think that so often I go, okay, God, who do you say I am? But how often do I truly believe that about myself?
Shalisha Loyd:Like, okay, God, I can, I can believe? I know you believe this about me, but it isn't until I truly go. No. I believe this about myself. I believe I'm worthy.
Shalisha Loyd:Right. That it's, it's like the Lord created me to be who I am. So now I get to take ownership of that. And so it's, it's no longer just like the separation of, okay, God, you're off here and I'm here. It's this beautiful discovery of unison.
Shalisha Loyd:It's like he created me to be who I am. So I get to take ownership of that. So it's been this, journey of taking ownership of who I am and truly allowing that love to be a part of me. And, and, and then he speaks and unless it lets me discover more and more each day as I get out of the way.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yes. Wow. Yeah. I'm I find myself, you know, chortling, chuckling, laughing, and only because of how I connect with that so much. It's just like, wow.
Karen Walker Cohn:You know? And I laugh because it's like, you know, a lot of the times we think we're the, okay. Only me went through this. Only I had this experience. And the more and more of these conversations that I have, I realize we're all going through it in one way, shape, or form, we're all having these experiences like for me it was the the same thing, the be still, just listen, be still.
Karen Walker Cohn:And I'm like what new distraction can come into my life to take me away from being still, to take me away from actually having to to listen and feel my feelings. So, yeah, I such a good coming back to love moment. Such a good coming back to love moment, Jelisha. Thank you for sharing that. So how are you now using what you've learned through that experience to shift perspectives of others or or continue to shift yourself, whatever that happens to look like for you?
Shalisha Loyd:Yeah. I mean, it's, I'm still noticing this. I can easily go back to that place where I'm comparing myself to other people, or, it's the being, choosing to be so busy and think like I have a lot of, I put a lot of expectations on myself. I think that's really where it starts for me as like what I expect from myself. But when I come back to that face of like, who am I?
Shalisha Loyd:God, who, who, who do you believe me to be and how do I get to take ownership of that? Who do I believe? What am I going to choose to be today? Is what I get to practice and there's, and there's, so it's first starts with this awareness, like, what am I feeling? How am I feeling today?
Shalisha Loyd:And it's okay that I'm feeling this way. If I'm feeling overwhelmed or feeling less than, to sit with that and acknowledge myself and give myself love in those moments. And then, because I have this awareness now, it's, I'm noticing it's a quicker shift than it was before. Before I felt it was more like, this is my life. And I guess I just get to accept it, like based compared to other people, like, I mean, do I really have something to complain about here?
Shalisha Loyd:And yet underneath it, I, there was still something missing because I wasn't acknowledging where I was at and allowing myself to love me, allow the Lord to love me and accept those things and then choose to shift. So it was like I was ignoring it or not, claiming it as something that I was choosing. And so now I get to go ahead.
Karen Walker Cohn:I was going to say, and I'm and I also hear judgment. That's the word that he's kinda like to have to be in this place where I judge myself that shoulda, coulda, woulda, you know, like, we call it, like, shoulding all over yourself. And it's like, well, this person has that. So immediately comparison brings judgment.
Shalisha Loyd:Yes. Yeah. And it's both ways. It's comparing myself to someone that's like, well, I shouldn't feel this way because their situation looks worse or
Karen Walker Cohn:Right.
Shalisha Loyd:Comparing myself to someone that I would see as maybe more successful than me. And the truth is we are all designed uniquely who we are. So comparing myself to someone else really doesn't serve me or them. And so it's and the thing is, it's not like it's not gonna come up like, okay. Now that I know these things, it doesn't mean that I don't still experience it.
Shalisha Loyd:And that's my heart, for other people too, specifically women is to go, I am here with you. Like I might, I speak these things and I'm encouraging and I, I get to share the things that I've learned, but it doesn't mean that I don't still have these experiences, and we're in this together. So I, I now create spaces for other women. I invite other women into this transparency and vulnerability and be like, like, let's just be show up as you are and remove the blame and the shame and the guilt about it. It's, it's not our right or wrong.
Shalisha Loyd:It's just where you are right now. And that when you, when you choose, when I choose to acknowledge that and go, okay, now what do I wanna do with this information? That's the power that now I have to change and to shift. And it's so it's so beautiful. So noticeable even into certain days where I'm like, wow, I, this, I didn't choose shifting today.
Shalisha Loyd:And, and what I tell other women too is it's information. Like that's information. Maybe today I chose not to shift and tomorrow I get to look look at what what do I want it to look like? How do I want it to be different? So Right.
Shalisha Loyd:Truly a beautiful tool. And I'm really thankful that I have the awareness and the practice in that.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yeah. That's so good. And I'm thankful how you choose to show up for other women in that. You know, this is this is what a big piece of what this podcast does is to, you know, like, realize and empower women to and and I wanna say that it's only been in the last 3 weeks where for me where I have gone, oh, what am I doing this for? Really getting clear about my why and getting clear about it, it it's for women who are who maybe are like I was, you know, in the back corner, in a back room, thinking no one's coming to get me.
Karen Walker Cohn:Nobody knows that I'm here. And to be able to share that with other women to say, yes, I know you're back there because I was once back there too. And, you know, I talk about I've been talking about this lately because I've been hearing a lot of people saying and a lot of prominent people saying, no one's coming to save you. And I'm like, what? God is sending people to save you all the time.
Karen Walker Cohn:And I'm one of them. You're one of them. He's sending us to save you. At the end of the day, you get to choose whether you'll allow that. Yes.
Karen Walker Cohn:The choice is still up to you. And maybe that's what they mean by that. You know, nobody's coming to save you, you get to save yourself. But the truth is I think that people are like us are coming for women in the back corner all the time. That we know you have a light, you know that it's meant to shine, and even more than us knowing, you know it.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yeah. You don't. So, yeah, I I that is so exciting to me. And, yeah, the more I I converse with people like you, Shaleisha, I'm just so excited with how many of us there are out there that that were once in the back corner. Now, no, we have a we have something to share.
Karen Walker Cohn:So
Shalisha Loyd:Yeah. Well, what I love about what you're sharing is this idea of once in the back corner. I also feel like even if you're in the spotlight, you can feel like you're not seen or that you need to have this certain image because you're, you're in the spotlight or I mean, it could even be, it I mean, it it could be in your work life or it could be at home or it could be whatever you choose to place this expectation of how you're supposed to be. You can feel so isolated. And so I picture this woman in the back corner, but I also picture the woman on the front stage feeling like she's in the back corner.
Shalisha Loyd:Right. So I love that idea of both like, yes, you can feel alone no matter where you are in, in your life, whether you are this extremely successful business woman at the top, or you have yet to make that next step forward to let your light shine. Yes. And so it's so exciting. Yeah.
Shalisha Loyd:I, and that's what, you know, I through my own journey and I got really into journaling and drawing and it became, it, it was this space that it's it's when I created a space to connect with myself is when, and I could see that there were people out there to love me and to put out a hand. Like there's always someone if, but if you're not choosing into being still and checking in with yourself, you're not gonna see it. And I mean, for me, it was the first step was connecting again with the Lord and hearing from him, like you are worthy. I did create you and design you to do big things and you choosing busy. You're not, you know, you're not gonna see it.
Shalisha Loyd:And so it's these opportunities of slowing down. And so going through my own organic journey of journaling, which was a way for me to slow down, I would turn up music and, journal and draw on a very visual. And so these images would come to my mind. And then at a certain point, it was, this was not meant to be just kept to myself. And so now I've created, a journaling experience for other women to do the same.
Shalisha Loyd:And it's this exact cheese out this element of creating awareness of yourself and your thoughts and your worth, and then choosing to do something different. And it's in this beautiful community of women that are here to support and love and that you're not alone. These thoughts that you're having, whether you're at the top or just getting started or afraid to come out of your home, you're not alone. We all have these same thoughts and feelings.
Karen Walker Cohn:So Yeah.
Shalisha Loyd:Yeah. So I love, I love where your heart is at and your purpose. It's like, it's so in alignment and, and with what I'm doing as well. And it's just really exciting. And that's the whole thing is like, we are all designed to love and encourage and inspire and to be uniquely who we are.
Shalisha Loyd:I just, so it's so fun to see how you're choosing to do that.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yeah. Thank you. Same to you. I I've had the privilege and the opportunity to, check out your journal and the gosh, Alicia, your artwork is beautiful. Like, you know, I I love how you've tied it in with a journaling experience, like you said, with your community.
Karen Walker Cohn:I'm, listen. Even if you just got the journal on your own, on its own, to just flip through it, it is gorgeous. It's so well done.
Shalisha Loyd:Thank you.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yeah. Yeah. And I know that you're putting together, some some upcoming courses and things like that. Right?
Shalisha Loyd:Yeah. So in the last year yeah. In the last year, I've jumped in to just creating this space for women and I'm doing it before, you know, I'm learning along the way before it's perfect. And the thing is, it's so beautiful because it is a bumble space for women where they're like, oh my gosh, I had no idea. There was other people that felt this way.
Shalisha Loyd:And it's so beautiful to see like the different people, the different women that are brought together. It's never planned. It's I'm never like, which woman, you know, how are these ladies going to feel together in a group? And it always inspires me to see how their stories are connected in even though in such a wide variety of seasons and like too, to, like, retired young moms, to retired, women that are just like, okay. What's next?
Shalisha Loyd:Like, I've lived this whole life, and now I get to decide what's next. And so, yeah, I've I've run 7 courses in the last year, and I get to launch the next 2 in April. And I'm choosing into Zoom for the first time too, so that more women have an opportunity to experience this, outside of just local. So, yeah, I'm really excited about that too. And it's, it's an 11 week experience that we get to walk through together and the beauty of accountability and community while getting in touch with yourself, in tune with yourself and asking yourself intentional questions so you can discover more of where you're at right now.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yeah. Yeah. Those questions and awareness is so key. It's so I mean, for me, that's the first step. Right?
Karen Walker Cohn:And I think that's what I I hear I heard you share as well. So then okay. So tell me then, what is you know, if you can leave the viewers and the list by the way, for anyone viewing and listening, I will drop all the show notes, drop Shalisha's contact information, everything, and you can see the, the course that she's talking about, this journaling course. And it's beautiful. Tell me if for our listeners and for our viewers, because I have this thing about this being an intuitive podcast, I I really know that whatever you are taking, like, all the things that had to happen for you to be here watching and listening right now, to me, like, everything had to align so perfectly.
Karen Walker Cohn:So I also believe the message that Shalisha has is meant for you. So if you could leave us with one message, what would it be?
Shalisha Loyd:Take a moment today because you are here just like Karen, you're saying you are here for a reason. You're listening to this right now and it's not by mistake. So whatever you are choosing today, take a moment to fill yourself up, to pause. Like I, that first moment, that opportunity where I said, you know what? Instead of just continuing to run on this hamster wheel, I'm gonna stop and pause no matter how uncomfortable it might feel, choose into that, choose into loving yourself today.
Shalisha Loyd:And it can look as simple as sitting in your car for an extra minute and breathing, you know, taking those big deep breaths. Yeah. My encouragement would just be to create something in your day to day. That's different than what you've chosen in the last week, in the last month, and maybe even year, that looks different, that truly is honoring you, that fills yourself up.
Karen Walker Cohn:I love it. Love it so much. And even if for those that do that on a regular basis, it's still a good time to do it again.
Shalisha Loyd:Right? Right.
Karen Walker Cohn:Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking for myself, you know what? I I have, I've carved out some time to do that every day. And sometimes that carved out moment, sometimes I need more than that.
Karen Walker Cohn:You know? So it's a it's a beautiful reminder just even in this moment, I can do that now.
Shalisha Loyd:Well, and even checking in, like, for me, I can sign it to be a routine after a while. Like, okay, this is something I scheduled in my agenda. And so checking in asking yourself, is this, is this truly what I need today? And being willing for it to shift. Yeah.
Shalisha Loyd:And, yeah, creating something that's just special. Yeah.
Karen Walker Cohn:I love that, Shalisha. Well, I appreciate that you're here. I appreciate this conversation. Thank you so much for all you do and all you're going to do.
Shalisha Loyd:Thank you so much.
Karen Walker Cohn:Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of Coming Back to Love, the podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, please make sure to click the link in the description to take you to the full video episode on our YouTube channel. If you absolutely love what we're about, please follow us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review. For more inspiration and resources, visit my website at the klwprojectgroup.com, where you'll find all the ways you can connect with me. I would love to hear your suggestions for topics, questions and future guests you'd like to hear from to support your coming back to love journey.
Karen Walker Cohn:In the meantime, have a inspiring rest of your day.
