Coming Back to Love: the podcast

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:00:01] If this is your first time to Coming Back To Love the podcast, welcome. We're so glad you found us. If you're a regular listener, welcome back. Either way, you're not here by accident. I'm your host, Karen Walker Cohn, a wife, a mom, entrepreneur, friend and dreamer who is ready to step into more of who I am created to be. I am committed to personal transformation for global impact. Now, this podcast may be very different from others. Our guests don't come with a topic or agenda. They come open and ready to receive and deliver the message that's meant for you. You will also notice our podcast is not overly produced. This is on purpose. Our hope is we will inspire you to step into who you're created to be, regardless of how it may look. Take inspired action on that book, business, relationship and yes, podcast or whatever it is on your heart. In my experience, my mess usually ends up being my message. I encourage you to approach our time today with a beginner's mindset and with openness to receive what is meant for you.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:01:17] In this episode, I'm speaking with Dr. Charisse M. Newberry. She's an ordained minister, a counselor, and she's an adult Christian educator who speaks primarily to women, sharing her life story, which is a testimony of the faithfulness of God. Charisse loves sharing scripture with others and hopes that it will ignite an excitement for them to study the word themselves and watch the manifestation of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I met Miss Charisse in a leadership and character development seminar just over a year ago, and she is one of those people who just light up a room when they walk in. I mean, you know the ones, right? The ones that are just like you. Let's explore Dr. Charisse's wisdom together.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:02:07] Yeah, so we'll start then. That's wonderful. I mean, all right, so I'm just going to ask you, um, to center, whatever that means for you. I speak to a lot of different people with different belief systems, and, uh, so whatever that means to you to just get into that place where, like you said, the Holy Spirit can speak. And I'm going to ask you a question. And the question is when you hear the title of this podcast, Coming Back To Love: Inspiring Stories on Shifting Perspectives, what experience from your life comes to mind?

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:02:45] Oh my gosh. Um, the experience from my life actually goes back to childhood. And initially when I was younger and I want to say probably grammar school, so the age that kind of comes to mind is around the age of 12. And around that age was in school when I started to recognize or feel as if I was different and not necessarily in a positive way. And that difference was because I had a family that had a mixed culture. My grandfather was white, my grandmother was black. I just had a mixed culture and ethnicity. There was rejection that started at that age. My awareness of that rejection, because I felt as if I didn't belong, it's, you look at it, it's like, okay, you're kind of black, you got some white in you, but you also got some Indian, but you're not dark enough for the black African American community to accept you as such. And you're not white because you're not fully white. So you're in this in-between space of acceptance. And it started the negative perception of what began to feel rejected in that space. And I didn't know where I fit. And I was just sharing this actually the other day, and what the terminology that they had for people that had this mixed ethnicity was yellow. They called me yellow. And the offense and the hurt of that level of rejection actually started there. So when you think about rejection or you think about words that have been spoken, it began there and it began to layer.

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:04:34] And that rejection turned into, I'm not good enough, I don't fit, I don't belong. I was made with this, um, not so good, I'm an exception. I'm not, you know, a part of it. And we, and I saw it as not feeling loved or not being accepted. So when I saw the title of Coming Back To Love, I thought, yes, it is definitely the plan of God for us to erase the narratives that have been spoken over our life or into our lives, that some of which we didn't even recognize. That was just my awareness as a child. Um, those layers began there, began the awareness, and then they kept that trajectory for multiple years later until you realize one day that separation and difference is an assignment, right? It's about your life story and coming back to love, the love of Christ that shed abroad in our hearts. If I don't love Charisse, the reality is the cross says, if I don't love God with all my heart, my soul and my might, then I love my neighbors as I love me. But if that love is all messed up because I don't even know who I am, then guess what? I am now saturating a false love because I don't even know what it is. So I have to come back to what is love? Who am I in that context? So it's just a powerful, powerful title when you... I just couldn't wait to like, yeah oh my gosh, let's do it.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:06:16] Yeah. And thank you for saying that. And thank you for bringing that up. Um, it is coming back to love. And I say capital Love, like capital L Love. You know, I was just telling somebody earlier today on a coaching call that I use the word Love, capital L Love, capital L Life, in the same context as capital G God. Yeah, it is coming back to that core of who you are, which is love. And I know sometimes it can escape us. And I know, you know, in my own life, um, I've gone towards the what I now, what I call the below the line energies. You know, the guilt, shame, guilt... Sorry, I said guilt twice... uh, shame, blame, like all those things. And when I am headed in that direction, it's usually a perspective shift that brings me back to love. In that direction. So do you remember the perspective shift that happened to you? You know, based on what you were saying here, because I can really relate to, I mean, for the listeners, y'all don't see us, but you get to go to our, to the YouTube channel to actually view this video, but, you know, same, my dad is black and Portuguese and my mom is Indian, Dutch and Welsh. And so in my family we've got the blond hair, blue eyes on one end of the spectrum, all the way up to the dark hair, you know, with the nap and the like, beautiful brown eyes, dark skin, like, in direct relationship, you know, like, this is not like, you know, fourth or fifth cousin. This is in our same cousin line. So, yeah, when you talk about that, that hit me right square in my chest, I'm like, wow, I relate to you so hard on this because I wasn't white enough, and I wasn't dark enough to be necessarily in that community, in that culture, you know? And, um, that was hard to experience. What was your shift?

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:09:00] You know, my shift took a long time, Karen. It's, you always want people to think, you think you want to say that it wasn't a long time. But the reality is, and we don't want to talk about my age or anything like that, but we want to hang around. Um, it took a lot of years to recognize that I was starting to layer that hurt and that rejection over years. When I say to you the process or perception of the reality of that check probably was about two years ago. Because it's up to us to choose to be healed. But it's, we have to first recognize, I recognize that this is what I have going on. God, I recognize that I have masked the hurt of my life and I have, I've adjusted and I call them the walls of Jericho, Karen. Those walls were thick. Uh, and they were...

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:10:10] And you had to march around a few times.

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:10:15] Seven to be exact. So you're absolutely right that we layer those walls. We create them because our thoughts become just that. And so that first thought that's undealt with gets multiplied and multiplied and layer upon layer upon layer, until you realize this wall is thick and it is surrounding your entire thought process, and your mind has created a stronghold that who can take the stronghold down? Now, when we know God can help us take the stronghold down but in order to do that, we get to acknowledge that that's what's going on. And if we masked it so long and covered it for so long, guess what? We know we can live with it. We can adjust. And so I've, I adjusted.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:11:06] Yeah. And in some cases we don't even know that that wall is there. It's like right, there has been some instances where it's just right over my head. You know, some somebody that loves me enough came along and said, You know this is what I see. And um, you know, I was, you have the choice at that point because there's, you know, in my life I know I've received a lot of feedback to say, hey I see this. I see this and um, and I can, you know, go up one side of you and down the other like, I don't give a care what you see. This is not my problem. But you know, when I would go back in my quiet time, I'd be like, Gosh, this person really, really loves me. And what if they're actually seeing something that is there and I'm not? You know, I still went back and I asked myself the questions like, because, the deep, deeply there was something inside of me that I want to be the best possible version of myself that I could be. So I'm sure you've had that in your life where, you know, the wall you didn't know was there or, you know, you did know was there, or you finally got to that realization, oh my gosh, I'm walking around this thick wall. Um, so you said two years ago. Do you remember where? Like what that was all about? Like the shift for you?

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:12:51] I do, I do, and let me just preface it by saying, because I, because I had a job that required, um, it was a pretty high position within the postal service. I had become what I did. So that masking, well, I adjusted and adapted because that's who I became. You asked me my name and my name and my title all rolled in together. And so because I worked, uh, for my company for such a long time until I retired. When you retire sometimes and you stop being... I was no longer Charisse Newberry, the Executive Director of HR, blah blah blah blah blah. I stopped and said oh my gosh, who am I?

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:13:47] Wow.

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:13:48] And you're absolutely right when you talk about the indicators over the course of the years were there, but Charisse had to be ready to say, okay, you're absolutely right. I get to take the mask off, remove the layers, the veils that I have layered for so many years and get a chance to go back to who authentically is Charisse. Not what I did, but who am I? And that was, so the moment that retirement kind of kicked in and I no longer had the same access level to the individuals in my life that pulled from that who Charisse was, I got a chance to say, who are you? And I remember just sitting in my living room just crying out to God, saying, oh my gosh, Lord, I repent, I am, I do, I did because I thought I became something that was not who you created me to be. That was what I did. And I had a pastor that spoke a prophetic word over me last year, and he said, you're not retired. That's what you did. This is who you are. And that was my aha moment. Wow. And I said, God, I want to walk out who I am, who you created me to be right now, from this moment forward.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:15:24] Wow. And you're doing it. You're doing it. I have been witness to it. And it's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. Oh, Charisse, that was perfect. Like, this is exactly what this conversation was meant to be. And I honor you. I have been privileged to see the growth in you over the, we've been privileged to see the growth in each other and be there for one another. And I'm so glad that you're on this podcast today. Um, thank you. Thank you for being here. And thank you for who you be.

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:16:07] I am honored. And, uh, absolutely when we think about just how our lives connected, it's only been a little over a year, and I feel as if God has just accelerated, you know, and connected our lives and let us know that we are more alike than we know. And the enemy wants to separate us to think that we are different. And oh no, your life is worse Charisse, because it's a horrible life, I can't, Karen, no, your life is horrible. You're the only one that has walked through that. So I need for you not to say anything. Keep that testimony silent. Because in our, in the lives that God has allowed us to live, those are testimonies. And that's where people are freed from. That's when they can get back to love, to their authentic self that was created from before you were created in our mother's womb, God knew exactly who we were, who he created us to be. And the enemy, the fight is for our purpose to not be fulfilled on earth, in the earth. And I thank God for your friendship and our relationship. And I watch you, um, from the day that I met you, which I remember that room until now. And I'm just grateful to be a part of watching what God is doing and how he's pulling people into your life that helped to let you know it's all about everything was for purpose. Nothing happens by happenstance that cannot be used by, uh, by God in creating this life that he has destined for us to walk out. So I'm honored to call you my friend and be a part of your life and just watch you blossom the way that you are.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:17:59] Thank you. Thank you for that message. And for those of you that listen, are listening right now, and you just heard what she said, that's for you as well.

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:18:10] Absolutely.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:18:12] Yeah. You, there's not, it's not a mistake that you're here and you got to hear that. And if you need to rewind and play it again and play it again, do that because, oh, it's going to serve you, I promise you.

Dr. Charisse M. Newberry: [00:18:30] Yes.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:18:30] Thank you so much, Charisse. I'm so glad you're here.

Karen Walker Cohn: [00:18:34] Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of Coming Back To Love the podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, please make sure to click the link in the description to take you to the full video episode on our YouTube channel. If you absolutely love what we're about, please follow us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review. For more inspiration and resources, visit my website at TheKLWProjectGroup.com, where you'll find all the ways you can connect with me. I would love to hear your suggestions for topics, questions, and future guests you'd like to hear from to support your coming back to love journey. In the meantime, have a inspiring rest of your day.